Romanticizing Pain

I am a hopeless romantic, though not in the traditional sense. I dont idealize people, we are flawed, broken, finding our way in an unforgiving world. I idealize passion, the intensity at which feelings can be shared with another. And I view cruelty identically to love, in my version of it at least.

My cruelty comes not from indifference, not from hatred, no, it is born from a desire to experience a moment so intense, so deeply personal, a moment that will never be forgotten.

It is not heartless, the care I give post dolorem more than makes up for what  I've done. You'll feel more loved and cared for than you ever have before, and it'll come  from someone who just moments prior brought you to tears.

​I romanticize. I hurt those I love, for I view love and cruelty not as two sides of the same coin, but as the same side of the coin shared between passion and indifference. 

What is pain but another intense moment? Is it really any different than to that of love? To bond with someone so deeply, to have them put their very life in your hands with the trust that they'll be okay?

To be mine is to hurt, to be hurt is to be loved, to be loved is to be cared for.

It is a gentle balance, a fight between good and evil. I the puppeteer playing both sides. Your savior must first become your downfall.

To be saved by a saint means they saw you hurting. To be saved by a devil means they saw that it was you who was hurting.

Obesession and dependency, either frowned upon or romanticized, and I, the romantic, choose the latter. Be mine, in the most possesive sense of the word, mine. Allow me access to everything you are, and you will become an extension of me. At the mercy of me, just as I am at the mercy of myself.

My morals may be unorthodox, I justify things most consider heinous, but I would never act on desire without consent. What joy is hurt when it's undesired? What dignity is there in love when it's unrequited? No, I hurt not in a bid for control, not to fill a void, I hurt in an effort to show my love, my desire, my obsession. Let me show you that I care for you not because you are hurting, but because it is you.